Questions

The human mind is tricky or trickery. It plays with us, it plays with others. It haunts and taunts us all in its bid to survive. It sometimes works in partnership with the heart where it is a useful ally. At times, it can be your most feared enemy.

My head aches as it is filled with random and yet not so ramdom thots... Images, fluttering figures banging at all sides. Winged beings taunting....

Confusion sometimes brings clarity..... clarity sometimes brings disillusionment.... disillusionment brings depression... and so on ......

I'm confused but am i really? I know what I want and yet I do not. I'm playing with matches and not expecting a fire. Am I pretending or is this for real? Am we for real or are we living a lie?

So many questions, so few answers. I wonder, why is this so? Why are there so many shades between black and white. Why is love such a dangerous game? Why the complications when it should be either here or there? These shades are here again, they seem to overtake me, attempt to consume me, intend to exhume me.... (for lack of a better word to use)

Do i let him go, hold on to the leash or let the waves of nothingness carry me away to oblivion? Have I made a grave and terrible mistake by re-visting? The past is past and should be left alone in peace, deep and burried in the abyss.. I long for the future, to run wild and free in the sun with the wind in my hair... but.... these hands pull me back like tentacles rising from the land of no sunshine, calling me, whispering my name till my resolve is weakened....

What is love? Can someone really define it? I do not know what it is. I cannot describe it? I cannot experience it, taste it, give it, receive it. Must I continue to wander the earth devoid of this so called powerful emotion? When will i see the light? When will it come for me, that i may be renewed once again? Am I willing to try, to take a chance at love again? To imagine it exists out there and wants me as its own? To tear down the walls surrounding me and open the gates wide? To finally admit to myself and to him that the time is finally at hand as we both drown in the magnitude of our love..........